thursday, october 1, 2026 deadline missed · signal garbled
Dissociated Press

> a.k.a. Disco Press 🪩

questionable credentials and a little off-beat

lead story

Man scouting for a campsite on satellite maps finds an ancient meteor crater instead

An amateur astronomer scrolling over Quebec for a place to pitch a tent spotted a massive impact crater nobody had flagged. Scientists are taking it seriously. The tent situation remains unclear.

[citation needed]

allegedly, this week

all stories →
travel

Man flies Miami to Turin with a dried crocodile head in his suitcase

He wrapped it in brown packing paper. Italy's financial police were not fooled.

[dubious sources]
space, apparently

Saturn grows a ten-sided shape at its south pole to match the hexagon up north

A huge decagon has formed in the planet's atmosphere. Saturn has not explained itself.

[unverified]
local, texas

Someone tried to FedEx 191 tortoises and turtles

Staff at the Denton office called animal services. The shelled parcels are now at the Dallas Zoo while federal wildlife officials investigate.

[clarification needed]

About us

Dissociated Press is a news desk that has lost its train of thought and decided that's fine, actually. Fact-checked by vibes. Sources: trust me bro.

Real news? Highly debatable. Deeply confused analysis? Guaranteed.

what to expect

  • Unqualified journalism and speculative panic.
  • Live tech troubleshooting that makes things worse.
  • Accidental life advice that somehow works out.

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Occasional dispatches. No promises they'll make sense.

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